Afraid

After having multiple miscarriages, I now find the thought of possibly being pregnant terrifying. Honestly, the best months are the ones where my period starts before I have time to even think of what the alternative could be. This month is not that way. My cycles are often irregular and long so I really have no reason at this point to be concerned. But I am. Especially now that I asked Brett if it would stress him out if I found out I was pregnant and he looked up beaming at the idea and gave me a fist pump and a "yes" when I told him I haven't had my period in a while. What if I'm not pregnant? We have been "not preventing" since the first of the year after the previous miscarriage.